What do you see?

BUT I WAS JUST 14

I was just fourteen and he was supposed to be my best friend cried Tolu. At that age, what we were supposed to be taking from each other was maybe money or novels or something teenagers playfully take from themselvesbut he took away everything from me because according to mother, a guy takes away everything when he takes away your innocence. I have always enjoyed having older friends and Rotimi was 18.

I remember coming home from Rotimi’s house that day as It was my turn to visit that Thursday. It was raining but I didn’t care. I was oblivious to everything around me. There were blood stains all over my dress. I couldn’t even shed a tear. You know that kind of sadness where you can’t show any emotion but to open your eyes? Yeah, that was it. Mother was sitting outside grinding beans

for our dinner when she saw me. She quickly ran to me when she saw me. She rushed me to the shade and sat me down. She kept asking what happened but I couldn’t just open my mouth to talk and she kept asking and asking. We had this word for virginity in my house which was “Bons” and when you got disvirgined, you were now a ‘doughnut’ . I finally brought myself to say just the word ‘doughnut’

“Doughnut? What does that have to do with why you are wet and covered in blood” mother asked. I just looked up at her and that’s when the tears started falling. Then realization struck her. ‘egba mi o’ “girl ye, oshe ma se kombeyen”! She started crying all over the place and shouting and the way she quickly moved away from me like I was some disease what was hurt me the most. I thought I was supposed to come to my mother for support? I thought she was going to hold me and assure me that it was not my fault and promise to bring Rotimi to book? She made me feel like I had sinned. It hurt but what hurt the most was mother’s behavior to me.

The next day, mother took me to the hospital for a scan. She wanted to make sure “I won’t disgrace her any further”. As we got to the hospital, she sat far away from me and kept weeping bitterly asking God why he had given her a child that has brought disgrace into the house.. I was shocked but I kept quiet.

The Doctor came and did all manners of tests on me and I felt like a needle bag but I couldn’t say anything.

TO BE CONTINUED TOMORROW